It's Okay
by the smallest comma
Summary: "At first you thought it was simply because she was your best friend, and that was why you were having such an intense emotional reaction" Maura realises her feelings for Jane. Minor spoilers up to 3.07 "Crazy For You". One shot


It was while watching Frankie unlock the cuffs on Jane's wrists over the webcam that you realised it. At first you thought it was simply because she was your best friend, and that was why you were having such an intense emotional reaction to her being kidnapped. But then you saw him touch her, smell her hair, kiss her, and you wanted to hurt him. You wanted to reach through the screen and yank him away from what was yours.

Because Jane was your..._best friend_.

You thought that was all, but watching Frost and Korsak cuff Dominic and Frankie unlocking Jane from the bed. You wanted nothing more than to go to her, hold her in your arms and tell her you'd never let anything happen to her. Because it was true, you wouldn't. You _couldn't._

And in that moment it hit you. As Jane was helped up from the bed by Frankie and Korsak, and Frost stopped the webcam you realised that Jane was more than just your best friend, and you internally slapped yourself for not realising it earlier.

The signs were all there, right from the beginning. She took you to a lesbian bar for Christ's sake. You felt blind and stupid. Stupid because you missed what was right in front of you, and you were trained not to do that, but also because you spent nearly four months not talking to her because she saved your life.

You went to see her.

She was at her apartment, her mom was there with Frost and Frankie and Korsak and you could tell Jane was getting fed up. You politely convinced Frost and Korsak to leave and assured Angela and Frankie you would look after Jane. Frankie wasn't convinced but after promising to call if anything happened he eventually left.

You closed the door behind them and turned to face Jane, who was laying back on the couch with her eyes closed. You asked her if she wanted a beer. She groaned what you assumed was an affirmative so you went and retrieved one from the fridge as well as some wine for yourself.

You walked back to the couch carrying both the wine and the beer when you noticed the goose-bumps on Jane's skin. You reorginised the way you were carrying the wine and beer and picked up a blanket from the cabinet behind the couch.

Placing the drinks on the coffee table, you sat down next to Jane and placed the blanket over the two of you.

"Oh you are a gift from above, you know that?"

"I am assuming you don't mean that in a literal sense and thus it is probably a compliment. So thank you."

Jane just raised her eyebrows over her bottle and gave a slight nod. She curled up under herself. You smiled at her, worried. She was biting her nails, and you know she only does that when she's worried. You sighed, which made her look up.

"You know, the worst part was the outfit. Pink shoes," she scoffed, "Vomit,"

You knew she was deferring from the subject and you gave another weak smile.

"I think Dominic killed Dr. Parker because he was trying to warn you."

"Poor guy. And Dr. Eve got shot just because she had to pee, I mean, that's just wrong," You laughed. "In Dominic's mind, Dr. Parker was breaking up your marriage,"

It was Jane's turn to laugh. "And what a marriage it would have been. Did I show you my honeymoon pictures?"

You knew she was joking, but the words struck a chord inside you. "You went on a honeymoon?"

"My head did." You gave a sad nod.

"Apparently we missed the luau. I always wanted to go to a luau."

You had to change the subject and said the first thing that came to your mind. "I'm thinking of freezing my eggs."

Jane looked at you like you'd grown another head. "How much wine have you had?"

You smiled, partially at the look on Jane's face and partially because you were glad it had worked. "Not much, I just don't think marriage is for me. But I'd like to preserve my option to have children."

"Okay, well, I'm gonna leave my eggs right where they are," she laughed, "and we're gonna talk about something else.

You bit your lip and tried to hide your smile, "like what?"

"You and Dr. Pike, what a cute couple you'd make"

"Very funny," you said, "very, very funny."

"He's a luau kinda guy,"

You laughed. She laughed. Then she put her bottle back on the coffee table and stood up. You looked at her and she looked back at you before shaking her head. "I know you probably have other places you'd rather be but, can you stay?"

You nodded, before placing your glass gently on the coffee table and standing. "Of course, I'll sleep on the cou-"

"No!"

You looked up, startled.

"No, I mean, I can't make you sleep on the couch. I - my bed's big enough for both of us, if you're comfortable with that I mean. Otherwise I can take the couch or - or you can go. I mean, you don't have to stay..."

She was rambling, which meant she was nervous, and you couldn't help but find it endearing. "It's fine Jane. We can share a bed."

She nodded, wringing her hands. You fought the urge to reach out and still them.

* * *

Waking up next to Jane was one of the best feelings you had ever experienced. She looked so innocent, so small. Her chest rose and fell and every few seconds she would let out a little snuffle. You knew this, of course, because you had been watching her sleep for the past ten minutes. The idea of watching someone sleep had always been somewhat of a odd thing to do, but you couldn't help yourself. Jane was breathtaking on a normal day, but when she was asleep with no walls up to protect herself...there were no words to describe her.

She rolled over, mumbling something incoherent under her breath, her arm extending itself over your lower abdomen. You stiffened, and toyed with the idea of removing the limb from your body. Jane had been reluctant the night before to break the barrier of personal space, and you didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable when she woke up. But the feeling was nice and so you dismissed the idea, relaxing back into the bed.

You felt Jane stir about fifteen minutes later, and then jolt when she realised the positioning of her arm. "Relax," you said, not opening your eyes, "you can't control where your limbs fall when you're asleep. Unless you tie them down with something, but that would be extremely uncomfortable to sleep with."

You opened an eye and saw Jane sitting up in the bed, looking at you with an expression somewhere between appalled and embarrassed. "Really? Maura? You knew my body was all up in your personal space and you didn't move it?"

"It's natural for mammals to respond to the body heat of other mammals, it's survival instinct."

Jane didn't say anything further, and you worried that you'd overstepped the boundaries of your friendship. She was not aware of your, albeit newly discovered, feelings for her and so had no reason to believe that you purposely did not remove her limbs, but you still worried that you had made her uncomfortable.

You were about to appologise when the sound of your phone ringing interrupted the thought. "This is Doctor Isles...yes...of course, I'll be there right away."

Jane's voice came from the kitchen, "Maura? Do we have a case?"

"I have a body, you have a day off. Lots of them. Rest. I'll be back soon," you smiled at her and went to change. Jane followed.

"What? No! Maura. C'mon!"

You turned and looked at Jane. "You were kidnapped and tied to a bed. You need to rest."

"I rested just fine last night,"

"It's not my decision, Jane."

It never ceased to amaze you how childlike Jane was at times. Right now she looked like a child who didn't get the toy she wanted from the store. You fought back the urge to laugh and proceeded to get dressed.

You knew in that moment that you could never tell her how you feel. You knew you could never put that kind of pressure on her. She was the type of person who needed to prove she was good enough, and if you told her she'd feel the need to prove she was good enough for you. You knew she was, but she couldn't be yours. That was the problem.

She was back at work as soon as she was allowed to be and things returned to a state of normality. You came to terms with the fact Jane would never be completely yours. Jane was your friend, your best friend, and you were okay with that. She would be with Gabriel or Casey or some other guy who would make her happy, and you would support her because she was your friend. You would celebrate with her when she finds the right guy, cry with her when he proposes, stand with her when she gets married and hold her hand when she has a baby. Because you knew she would never love you the way you love her, and that was okay.

_~Fin_


End file.
